The meaning of romance has evolved as I’ve gotten older.
I remember feeling devastated – DEVASTATED! – when my boyfriend didn’t get me flowers or candy one Valentine’s Day. This guy put so little effort into the day because he didn’t think I was worth the effort. It just took me a couple of years to catch on!
When I was a girl, I spent so much time and energy analyzing boys and their behavior. Then one day I realized, oh, if he liked me he would do something about it. Call. Ask me on a date. The book (or movie), He’s Just Not That Into You should be required reading (or viewing) for every adolescent female. That is, unless they’re already smarter than I was and no longer need that kind of guidance.
Years ago, I met a guy at a club. (Yeah, a club. Not my scene, but I went because it was the thing to do.) A few days later when I came back to the same club, one of the guy’s friends saw me. He couldn’t wait to drag me over to the guy I would be going out with on the weekend. Why? Because I was part of a goal the friend had for that year. He was trying to line up different women to date on different nights of the week. I think I was Ms. Tuesday, or something. And his buddy wanted to watch him squirm while he was with another girl. Squirm, he did. And the date? I canceled it!
Romance Is Overrated
The most stereotypical romantic gestures I’ve experienced ended up feeling hollow.
Once, a boyfriend played my favourite song as he presented me with a birthstone ring before taking me to dinner. It was a lovely thing and he went to a lot of trouble. Ah, but the ring came with expectations. He was older. I was just a high school kid who wasn’t prepared for a quid pro quo.
Now, I find it romantic when my husband does something that makes life better. When he built shelving into our pantry, it felt like love. He took down and rebuilt my studio walls while I was away. His time and effort now have more romantic meaning than anything from the chocolate aisle.
True, we’re not kids anymore and he doesn’t have to “woo” me. Some people are still into the flower and candy thing and that’s great. But it’s just not me. Oh, I’ll happily take them if they’re offered but I don’t expect them. I’d rather have the driveway cleared or a new ink cartridge put in the printer. I’ll bake his favourite pie and make a nice dinner. It’s not exciting but we try to improve each other’s lives. And isn’t that why we’re together in the first place?
Happy Valentine’s Day, tomorrow! ❤️
“A new ink cartridge put in the printer.” Oh how I smiled when I read that. I was cursing the other day (well, I curse everyday but more so this time) when I was trying to print out a recipe and the ink ran out halfway through the job. Randy (hubby) said “send me the recipe.” I did. He put in a new cartridge, printed the recipe and handed it to me. Yup…better than a box of chocolate.
I baked a dozen cupcakes for him and made homemade buttercream frosting to top them with. For an added touch, I melted chocolate, spread it on a plate, waited for it to firm up a bit, then used a small heart shaped cookie cutter and voila! Chocolate hearts to top the cupcakes with.
You’re right Lisa, it’s the thoughtful gestures that make every day Valentine’s day.
Wishing you a love filled day with Derek and Cuddles. xo
Aw, I love that, Claire! Thanks so much and a happy, wonderful day to you and Randy.
Can I marry Derek? Just kidding!
In all honesty, I try to remember to let my wife know whenever she does anything for “us,” to thank her. I think she knows how much I appreciate everything she does, which is a lot.
My idea of strength of character has changed. My wife, feeding the dogs and cats every morning, that is a strong person to keep that up. That is huge. And I scoop the kitty litter every night to balance things out!
I wonder what our younger selves would say about how we love now versus how we defined love back then.
I think they would be proud of us, Dan! Amanda is a rare gem. Happy Valentine’s to you both.
So true! I don’t need the grand gestures on special occasions. I love the small things my husband does, regularly, that show he’s attuned to what I want and need. That’s love.
It sure is. Happy V-Day to you and Denis!