The other night we watched an old episode of Bones. They’re all old episodes. We didn’t watch the series before it signed off in 2017. But I digress.
In the show, one of the “squints” (scientists) poured sea monkeys into a tank for an experiment. They didn’t call them sea monkeys but that’s what they were. It took me back to ordering my own sea monkeys from the back of an Archie comic book.
I dreamed and planned for months – possibly years – before sending away for my own water critters. Remember, there was no Internet. All we had was a little ad, and envelope and a stamp. And we hoped that our cheque or money order wouldn’t be wasted. We had learned about the SASE (pronounced say-zee) from the Electric Company on TV: Self Addressed Stamped Envelope. Finally, they arrived and once in water, they came to life. Well, most of them did.
I now know they’re a hybrid brine shrimp whose eggs can survive for years in a dormant state. And they’re still being sold today as sea monkeys. Because kids are still kids and learning is fun.
Other Stuff and Things
My back-of-the-comics purchases were limited to sea monkeys and a pair of X-ray Spex. Spoiler alert: the glasses didn’t work. I vividly recall being skeptical about their powers but sending my SASE anyway. I had the hope of a child with the skepticism of the journalist-to-be.
My brother was much more adventurous. His purchases included powerful magnets and instruction booklets for building all sorts of things. A mailing list for unusual inventions that brought him random letters from all over North America. A gag item to stick in the end of a cigarette so it would explode when lit. Invisible ink for writing secret messages like a spy.
The most famous personality to come out of those ads had to be Charles Atlas.
Another ad in the series featured a skinny guy getting sand kicked in his face on the beach. These ads led us to believe that sand-face-kicking was going to be a much bigger problem in life.
My brother purchased this guide, or one like it, that Charles promised would build strength. Turned out all my brother needed was time. He grew to be 6′ 4″ and never suffered a single sand-face-kicking as far as I know.
My brother and I enjoyed very different genres of comic books but the ads were all the same. With no texting or email, we’d focus like a laser beam on the incoming package. So what if the spex were fake and only half the sea monkeys grew? The ads made us consumers, empowered to make decisions on how to spend our meagre allowances. We felt free. And woe-be-tide the jerk who dared to kick sand in our faces.
The irony: in the 1950s, the authorities were concerned that comic books might be turning healthy kids into juvenile deliquents.
What they weren’t worried about, was protecting kids from wasting their money on the ads in those same comic books!
Kind of like Facebook and Instagram except we ARE worried about the ads!