A Generation of Lost Men

I’m concerned about young men.

I’ll always be concerned about the well-being of young women, particularly when it comes to body image and self-confidence. That’s mainly because I can relate. I had an intense form of body dysmorphia when I was younger. It’s not so rare, either. Add to that, going on my first diet at 13 when I wasn’t even grown yet. That’s a recipe for an eating disorder, yo-yo weight, and all the things that go along with it.

A whole generation of young males is at risk of becoming permanently alienated from society. Most of us have heard of incels. They’re involuntarily celibate and blame women for not finding them attractive. And now, they’re just as focused on looks and flaws as some girls were back in the day. And it’s all tied in with a dangerous way of thinking.

Wellness Shmellness

Until all health advice is regulated, I’ll put the majority of “wellness influencers” into one category: snake oil sellers. But the larger question to me is, why are so many people falling for their bs? What is it about us that makes us search for something beyond the limits of medical knowledge? Even if that “something” is unregulated and unproven.

I think it’s because the mind hates to be told “no”, and sometimes it’s with good reason. When doctors say science isn’t “there yet” we’ll do just about anything to fill the knowledge gap.

I remember this being the case long ago for a friend who had fibromyalgia. Back then, she was treated as if she was faking her constant pain. She had little choice but to keep searching for answers from dodgy practitioners. Now, medical science knows better. Not only does it accept that fibromyalgia is real, there are proven therapies for it.

So that’s health and wellness. What about aesthetics?

Looking Good

There’s a segment of wellness influencers that does nothing but tell young people they’re flawed. These are mostly people who won the DNA lottery. They’re slim, some have six-pack abs, and they’re blessed with flawless skin and hair. They behave as if they’ve earned it when they actually woke up like that. What’s worse, they convince young people they’re not trying hard enough when they don’t look “as good.”

Someone my age has no trouble seeing these people for what they are. But it’s gotten much worse in recent years. There’s a phenomenon for young men called “looksmaxxing.” On the surface, it’s not such a bad thing. It’s about maximizing one’s appearance. Getting a good haircut, caring about how you dress, showering regularly. It becomes problematic when influencers promote “hardmaxxing.” This includes–and I’m not kidding–taking steroids, getting plastic surgery, and bone smashing. That last one is just like it sounds. Young guys are encouraged to punch themselves or hit their faces with hammers to break facial bones. The idea is that when the bones heal, they’ll create a better defined jaw line. This is really happening.

Looksmaxxing came from the incel culture.

One young looksmaxxer told CBC News that he took so many hormones, his body no longer produces testosterone. He must take replacement therapy. He also ingested crystal meth to suppress his appetite. However, he also makes about $100,000 a month from his huge social media following. So, where’s the incentive to stop?

The Bigger Problem

All of this looksmaxxing and hardmaxxing is mixed in with misogyny and caveman views of women. These influencers socialize with the likes of Andrew Tate and Nick Fuentes. Fuentes praises Hitler. Tate wants women out of the workforce. They both have young male fans by the millions who hang on their every word.

A study happened to come out as I was writing this. It shows how prevalent the throw-back to sexism is for this generation. Michael Ulloapt is an anti-influencer. He exposes influencers’ ridiculous health and wellness claims, including those about mental health.

These young guys need a positive community and activities, and to get away from the mirror and the internet. Most of all, they need to learn that life satisfaction doesn’t come from prominent cheekbones or bigger muscles. Or from blaming women for their problems.

Experts say parents shouldn’t freak out and make them talk about their feelings. But bring up subjects subtly and slowly. Play a long game. They can work out, get fit and stay healthy. But they have to realise their current role models are only in it for the money and power. The more power young men withhold from influencers, the more they’ll have to keep for themselves.