Waxing on and off

If the thought of a bikini wax makes your knees slap together and your throat emit a howl of agony, well, see you tomorrow!  Because today, I’m going all the way to Brazil.

The state of New Jersey is considering banning Brazilian waxes.  These are the full patch wax procedures on a lady’s personal region.  Two women got infections after receiving the waxes and now Jersey is all up in arms (and legs!) and considering a total ban.  Apparently there’s a little-known law on the books that actually dictates where a woman can and cannot get herself waxed and the wizards in government are thinking of enforcing it. 

This is the craziest thing I’ve read in quite some time.  Just because two broads probably went to cheap spa and got sick, the NJ legislature wants to tell women which hairs they can and cannot have removed.  What will they do, post investigators outside wax emporiums?  ‘Xcuse me Ma’am, what are you going to have done today?  Legs?  Just to the top of the thigh, right Ma’am?  Promise?  OK, you can go in.  Will they raid the treatment rooms, looking for violators?  This is absolutely nuts.  But I’ll bet you could wax those all you want, except that nobody would dare.

How dare these lawmakers choose a woman’s body part and determine that its owner can’t do what they want with it.  Paula Abdul once contracted a painful finger infection from a manicure.  Why are Jersey girls still allowed to get their nails done by strangers?  Who’s protecting us from unsanitary nail files??  Oh the humanity!!  What’s next?  A ban on eyebrow waxing after some woman gets  hot wax in her eye?  No more shaving the knee because of occasional nicks and cuts?  It’s madness – madness I tell you!

This strikes me as a baby step toward shrouding females in burkas.  Seriously.  If a woman wants to pay 10 bucks for a 50 dollar procedure, she’s taking her chances and she should be allowed to do so.  The New Jersey government wants to be the Mommy of the women in the state as if they were helpless children, too stupid to make their own decisions.  I’ll tell you what these women will do. They’ll slip over to New York to get it done or they’ll sneak around to hush-hush spas, the way men are offered a regular massage in the front of some clinics and one with a happy ending in the back of them. It’s dumb. It’s insulting.  And women won’t take it lying down.