Joke writing is hard. I’ve often said that if I had it to do over again I might pursue stand-up comedy as a vocation. But it’s really difficult to come up with original material.
So last week, I read a simple line in the news that I knew had to end in a punchline. It took me two days to figure out how the joke should end. I would have been fired if I were trying to do this for a living. I’d be given two minutes maybe, not two days! The gag would be told to my radio audience, boomers who grew up listening to the Beatles, the Stones and would undoubtedly be aware of Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood’s latest escapades. After many dry years he started drinking heavily again, left his wife of 25 years and took up with a 19 year old Russian girl. He actually moved to Russia. He allegedly beat the young woman up, they broke up, and now he has hooked up with a 25 year old. His wife divorced him and his bandmates are increasingly worried that he’s going down a path to nowhere.
So here’s my joke.
The Russian government has announced that it will give $100,000 to every athlete that wins a gold medal at the Winter Olympics. (true) And if they don’t win a medal, they’ll be forced to date Ronnie Wood.
Jay Leno, call me!