From the “People Sure Can Be Stupid” File

Thank you to The Toronto Star for this list. A recent survey from Thomas Cook and the Association of British Travel Agents revealed 20 of the most ridiculous complaints by “holiday-makers” made to their travel agent. (Comments in brackets are mine; things I wish I could say to these fools!)

1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” (We apologize Ma’am. Please provide us a list of your must-haves prior to your next trip and we will definitely deny you a plane ticket.)

2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.” (Shop in the morning, dummy.)

3. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.” (It’s not spicy, it’s got flavour. But you’re British, so it’s understandable that you wouldn’t recognize it.)

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.” (You weren’t told because park-goers didn’t wish to see you in your swimming costumes. Mission accomplished.)

5. A tourist at a top African Game Lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate.” (Here are two free tickets to your local zoo as compensation. Enjoy!)

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in her hotel room by staff. In fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room. (Too bad you didn’t see the sign at the buffet that says, Please Help Yourself, because clearly, you need it.)

7. “The beach was too sandy.” (Next time, try the forest. We’re sure you’ll find it to your liking.)

8. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure.Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.” (Sunshine bleaches sand. We took the photo in the spring but the beautiful weather turned it white. Isn’t that wonderful?)

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time. (Fool!)

10. “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.” (Make a game out of it. Ask him to point out the pair that most resembles the way yours used to look.)

11. “We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.” (We’ll be happy to make this right. Please send us the Ray Bans and we’ll exchange them for an authentic, in no way a knock-off, Gucci purse.)

12. “No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.” (Did your children share the story of their near-death experience with the other children on the short bus?)

13. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England, it only took the Americans three hours to get home.” (Feel free to take a boat next time.)

14. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.” (By, about, say, two bedrooms?)

15. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation.’ We’re trainee hairdressers — will we be OK staying there?” (Absolutely not. You must stay home. Were we not clear? No hair shall be dressed at this accomodation. Sheesh!)

16. “There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners now live abroad.” (No hablo Ingles.)

17. “We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.” (We’re working on outdoor air conditioning. Please be patient.)

18. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.” (You said “dooty”!)

19. “I was bitten by a mosquito, no-one said they could bite.” (Every medical professional in every corner of the world has said so. Have you ever been to a doctor?)

20. “My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.” (You had sex in our hotel room? That will be another $4000 to sterilize the room and replace all of the furniture. You people are disgusting!)

2 thoughts on “From the “People Sure Can Be Stupid” File”

  1. We can eliminate the worlds financial woes, simply introduce a $5 stupid surcharge per incident! We’ll be back in the black by years end.

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