Furthering Your Feline Education

I'm smiling into the camera while Missy sits beside me looking content.

It’s that time again my pretties when your cuddly Queen of Southwold takes you on another journey of learning and bettering yourself. If not for your sake, then for mine and for all the precious cats and kittens of the world.

You’ve proven yourself willing students and I believe you’re ready for a lesson that goes beyond the food bowl. This day we shall tackle common misconceptions about the exquisite feline population.

Whoever first coined the phrase, “fighting like cats and dogs“, has not seen the way my beautiful brothers and sisters cavort these days with filthy canines! The Internet is full of photos of cats and dogs nestled together willingly – or so it seems. It’s obscene! I can only surmise that it’s a case of PhotoShop gone wild. However, I concede that it is possible – possible! – that some lonely felines are choosing pooches for playmates. So I include this misconception because even the feeble-minded deserve a friend.

Miss Sugar stretching in a sunbeam on a grey and white rug.
Mr. Sunbeam is one of my best buddies.

“Cats are nocturnal.” We are not nocturnal: we are crepuscular. Like the graceful deer, we are most active at dusk and dawn. Although we don’t need to run after a stupid ball like a dumb dog, we could do with a little playtime in order to tire us out before bedtime. We have napped most of the day away, after all.

“Cats have nine lives.” Like poetry, Donald Trump and the Bible, this is not meant to be taken literally. I’m sorry I misspoke. In the case of Donald Trump I meant seriously. Where was I? Oh yes, the saying about nine lives. It probably started because of our innate agility and ability to get out of potentially dangerous situations at the last second. But like you, we have just one life. Please treat it with care.

“Cats are aloof and don’t need or want affection.” This one’s the saddest myth of all. It’s true, we aren’t as excited to see you as a filthy dog with no self-esteem might be – but we do love you! Canines were bred to live with humans and back in the day, they roved in packs. We kitties are more independent and have relied on ourselves to hunt and gather. But many of us are lap-nappers. We purr in your presence. When we throw up, isn’t it always within your earshot? And remember that time your cat brought you the gift of a freshly killed mouse? That, my friend, is true love.

Miss Sugar facing the back of the couch, her back to the camera.
I’ll admit that I have been known to greet my people this way.

For the sake of all things tuna-flavoured, please stop comparing us to drooling dum-dums and many of these myths would disappear! We are different species and should not be expected to behave the same way. And besides, any accurate comparison would only show that cats come out on top, every time. (Take that, Marmaduke!)

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