Miss Sugar’s Mailbag

Greetings my little feather grabbers! Today we’re diving into Miss Sugar’s mailbag. This is where I’ll answer some of your most pressing questions about yours truly and my super special species. Despite sharing space with humans for some 10,000 years, we maintain an air of mystery, an allure, a misunderstoodness, if you will. So I shall do my utmost to clear up any confusion. Let’s get to your queries, shall we?

Q: Miss Sugar, my cat recently caught a chipmunk. I wish I could say they became friends but that was not the case. How did my cat manage to catch something that’s so quick?

A: While your tone implies that your cat is not quick, Miss Sugar will overlook the negative implications and continue directly to an answer – this time.

Your cat is a hunter by nature and an expert at stalking and catching prey. A cat on the hunt will place its back paws almost exactly in the place where its front paws had been, limiting noise and tracks. Clever, eh? We are also quite patient, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Perhaps the silly chipmunk was distracted by the discovery of a nut or some other disgusting thing. Your cat would have chosen that moment to demonstrate how foolish he was to let down his guard.

If you are concerned about the chipmunks in your vicinity, the solution is simple. Keep your cat indoors as Miss Sugar believes all domestic cats should be. The songbirds, field mice and chipmunks will thank you. Otherwise, please don’t waste your time hoping your cat will befriend a creature as simple-minded as a chipmunk! I mean, really!

Q: Miss Sugar, please explain why my cat, Mittens, sleeps so much.

A: This is a commonly asked question that I’m happy to clear up. Many human beans (as well as filthy dogs) assume that felines frequently nap because they are lazy. This is not the case at all and I must gently admonish you for entertaining such a thought, as I assume you have done!

It’s true, we do love a good snooze. They’re not called cat-naps without reason! We tend to sleep around 12-14 hours (or more!) per day for energy conservation. Think about it: you dangle shiny objects from strings to make us jump and play. In my case, I must traverse a large staircase in order to get a bite to eat or visit my loo. And then, there are the joyous belly rubs that relax us into unconsciousness, often with our paws still in the air. It’s no wonder we are tired. So, would you kindly close the door on your way out and keep the noise to a minimum? Many thanks.

Q: Hello Miss Sugar. We know that a baby cat is called a kitten and a male cat is a tom but what is a female cat called?

A: She is called the only name that makes any sense. The one she and only she is worthy of and represents the lofty status she has achieved: Queen!

Some also refer to a female feline as a Molly, but since my filthy dog cousin Darby has a beloved human family member named Molly, I much prefer to be thought of as Queen to eliminate confusion.

And did you know that a group of cats is called a clowder? Well, now you do!

Thank you my lovelies for all of your letters, notes and selfies – I cherish them all. One day, I hope to meet you separated by glass, preferably the triple-pane kind. I was social distancing before it was cool!

Until next week, my little ear scratchers.

Your friend,

Miss Sugar

PS. Leave your questions for Miss Sugar below or email lisambrandt1@gmail.com and my human will pass them along for a future post. Note that first-time comments must be approved, so don’t worry if you don’t see them right away. Thank you!