Maybe It’s Not for You

Cover of a 1981 TV guide featuring a photo of Valerie Bertinelli and the title, The Pressure of Being Miss Perfect.

Not long ago, Valerie Bertinelli posted an Instagram video whose topic was so so simple, it was genius.

Like all celebrities, Bertinelli gets her share of online hate. This just goes to show you how ridiculous spewing negativity is. Bertinelli has been a television sweetheart since she was a teen on One Day at a Time. She was the good girl who married the bad boy rocker, Eddie Van Halen. Now she’s a star on the Food Network. Who would spew hate at delightful Valerie Bertinelli?

Idiots. Trolls. People who think the world was designed exclusively for them. They’re faster on the keyboard than in the reasoning section of their brain.

In the video, Bertinelli simply said, “if something I post doesn’t resonate with you, then this one’s not for you. Maybe you should follow someone else with whom you feel more aligned. But in the meantime, if it’s not for you, you can choose to just move along without sharing your opinion.” It was kind. She was sweet. And she made an important point:

We Will Disagree

We are guaranteed to encounter things we don’t like. And I don’t mean things that everyone doesn’t like, such as people who are mean to animals or radical politicians. Everyday things, like for me, the grossness of green peppers. Or an opinion on a movie or music that differs from mine. Some people have an innate need to tell the person why they are wrong! “I didn’t like that thing you liked and I want you to know why!” They behave as if it’s their birthright to always feel comfortable, to make sure others know they’re “right”. Hey celebrity, you were being yourself and I don’t like you! You MUST know this.

Some people like green peppers. As long as they’re not serving them to me, who cares?

Valerie recently went through a painful divorce. Her second husband appears to have been an emotionally abusive asshole. She’s overjoyed that she’s rid of him. And still, people feel they can comment on her feelings, her reaction, her life. Why? Because they watched her on TV? So, what, she owes them something, like a certain type of behavior? It makes no sense.

Fortunately, most of her more than 1.2-million followers are there for the right reasons. But it’s the ones who aren’t who light up like a flame.

I Know How it Feels

If Valerie Bertinelli’s level of fame is a watermelon, then once upon a time, mine was one quarter of a small raisin. For comparison’s sake, Harry Styles’ is an award-winning giant pumpkin. Valerie might get thousands of positive messages in a day. But the negative few stand out. Maybe it’s because they amplify that tiny part of the brain that says we’re imposters and don’t deserve praise. It’s easy to say, just ignore them – but no matter how you analyze the people who sent them, those mean words can still hurt.

I can think of very few reasons why I would tell Valerie Bertinelli anything I’m thinking. Maybe if there was a bad edit in her video and I could send her a private message about it to help her. But she has friends and a son and other people to do that for her. Otherwise, what do her – or any celebrity’s – actions have to do with me? Absolutely nothing.

I’m sad for anyone who thinks they should be able to have a problem-free, unhappiness-free life. It’s not Valerie Bertinelli’s fault if she talks about negative feelings and it makes her followers feel sad for a minute. It’s really simple. They need to look away. Find something else to do. I’m embarrassed that anyone lashes out at Valerie Freakin’ Bertinelli. Or at Chrissy Teigen, or Victoria Beckham or anyone else in the public eye. Don’t like what they post? Go search for something you do like. It’s out there, waiting to be found.

3 thoughts on “Maybe It’s Not for You”

  1. So relevant. Thanks for sharing. How ego crazy is it for anyone to believe the world is some how missing out if we don’t share our opinion, on everything! More sad the expense of energy to spread hate or ridicule. Never forget the power that lies in scrolling .

  2. When I had a blog on the local newspaper’s website, I got those responses to my posts, too. There were plenty of people who didn’t like my blog, and some of those readers felt they had to announce it to the world on my blog. Fair enough. I made those posts public. But I always wondered about it because, when I visit a blog and I find it not to my liking, I just leave. But the negative posts on my blog led to more posts which led to more traffic which ensured my blog stuck around. So if the goal for the Valerie Bertinelli haters is to drive her from the web, they’re being counter-productive.

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