Spitting Image

Horkers, gobbers, dribblers and saliva shooters, listen up.  I’ve had enough of you!

I’m sick of witnessing men, young and old, sending the contents of their mouths onto the ground.  It doesn’t seem to matter where you are or what you’re doing, some member of the male population thinks it’s perfectly ok to lob a loogie within a few feet of someone who sometimes happens to be me.  Here’s a heads-up guys: you’re not pro athletes!  And even when they do it, it’s still vile, but at least it’s within the confines of hose-down-able turf.

Yesterday, as I gazed out the window of Byron Pizza while waiting for my order, dreaming of their delicious whole wheat crust and fresh ingredients – best pizza in the region, but I digress – a 60-something man and woman exited their car in the parking lot and he immediately fired an oral shot into the snow as casually is if he were breathing. It didn’t matter who was nearby (lots of people) or what the time of day was (lunchtime with food on people’s minds), this cretin just spat by rote.  His wife was either oblivious or pretending to be.  It sickened me.

What’s next?  A slit in the back of the pants to allow spontaneous squatting and pooping?  These actions are not too far removed, in my view.

We laugh at other countries when they ban spitting and gum chewing but there’s a reason for it.  Some people can’t be trusted to know when they’re displaying awful manners and regulation becomes called for.  I have a few suggestions for crimes and punishments.

Spitting within a kilometre of another human: castration. 

Talking during a movie, especially reacting as if what’s happening on the screen is happening to you: public flogging in the lobby.

Loudly blowing one’s nose in a crowded restaurant into a hanky that one then squishes back into one’s pocket: firing squad.

It’s no wonder so many people complain that we’re raising a generation that lacks courtesy.  Look at who’s setting the examples!