Lead Story in The Tiger News

An occurence in the Calgary Zoo this week serves as a warning to our fellow felines. 

Two male humans, appearing unsteady and emitting a loud series of obnoxious sounds,  forced their way into the home of Zelda, Lloyd and Peter very late Sunday night. The family was fast asleep when the incident began and Zelda remained unconscious and missed the whole thing, having just feasted on several slabs of raw meat.  Despite Lloyd’s protests that Peter should just ignore the intruders, the young upstart couldn’t help but investigate.

The cub’s exuberance got the best of him as one of the humans forced his appendage into the family’s den.  Peter clamped his jaws down on the human’s arm and clawed it repeatedly, with the intention of “teaching him a lesson.”

“I mangled him up pretty good”, Peter told The Tiger News.  “There was a lot of wailing and begging for me to stop but once I grab onto flesh, well, I like to finish the job, if you know what I mean!”

The humans did finally extract themselves from the situation and we understand they are being charged with trespassing at the Zoo.  It’s insult upon injury, you might say. Sadly, they will not be returned to the enclosure as per our request.  The family has suggested its own form of punishment that we at The Tiger News feel would be appropriate but it doesn’t appear that they will be granted the opportunity to carry it out.

A reminder to all streaks of tigers, prides of lions and families of all lesser creatures in our midst: Be on the lookout for rogue humans!  They only arrive at night and tend to smell of fermented grains.  Meanwhile, The Tiger News gives Peter our Kitty Kudo of the week for defending his home in a “forceful and successful manner”.

1 thought on “Lead Story in The Tiger News”

  1. Interesting twist on a home invasion story. Returning the intruders to the scene of the crime as a form of punishment could be a valid deterrent to future idiocy. as they say, let the punishment fit the crime.

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