Hellos my lovelies! How’s your hairball today? Mine’s slung low and to the left.
Human beans have been around for quite a while. I overheard someone say it’s been about 40 years, but that might be an exaggeration. Anyway, you’d think that by now they’d have a few things figured out.
They can’t agree on what to eat. Meat, no meat. Wheat, no wheat. I even saw recently where someone Mother knows expressed his dislike of CHEESE! And they worry about the silliest things like whether or not someone else will approve of a decision they’ve made. Who cares? You do you, I’ll do me and they can do them.
I believe the answer to all of their problems is in one simple thing: a nap. I am an expert in this special art form. My day would not be a success without several long naps, enjoyed in various comfortable locations. However, I suggest you start with one nap per day until you build up your resistance to alertness and productivity. We don’t want anyone getting hurt by doing too little too fast.
Seinfeld’s George Costanza had the right idea when he created a sleep chamber under his desk in his office. However, hiding is no longer necessary, as you can see from the Sleep Desk, a real thing, sold by Greek design company, Studio NL. Naps are good for us! Several scientific studies have proven it. And some companies have built nap-time into their employees’ schedules. So go ahead, tell your boss Miss Sugar said it was okay! (And let me know how that goes for you!)
The only slight problem arises when you sleep too long and wake up during the wrong time in the human bean’s natural sleep cycle. This can lead to sciencey things like Dumdumitis, Fog-Brain and Stupidiculous Confusicalness. We must avoid this by taking short, frequent naps rather than one long one. Move around from your favourite cushion to the bed to inside a closet whose door no one ever imagined you could open, causing them to search all over the house for you, calling your name!
It’s just a suggestion.
Chores? They’re for other people to do. Work? It can wait! If you’re lucky, you might even get a belly rub before you drift away.
There is one downside to being a nap Zen mistress. Sometimes my subjects learn too well, and when I attempt to climb onto one of my napping places, I find they’re already napping and their big feet are in my way!
But it’s only a temporary setback. Soon enough, I’m settled in and showing the world what I do best.
Mother has more to say about human sleep troubles on Friday. But please take it from me, napping is my health kick! I dream of chasing bits of yarn and fabric mice that smell like catnip. I’m never far from my next nap and you shouldn’t be either. Now, if you’ll excuse me…do I really need to complete this sentence?
Until next week, my sunbeams!
Your nap ninja,