Miss Sugar’s Definitive Guide to Cat Training

an extreme closeup of Miss Sugar

Hello my little toe stretchers! My human bean Mother is currently narrating an audiobook about training filthy dogs. Being the optimistic, inquisitive person she is, she has asked me to explain how to train a cat. “Go to the source” as her journalistic instincts continue to guide her. She doesn’t ask much of me, really. So, I decided to comply. What follows is my complete guide to training a cat.

It can’t be done. Give up. The whole time we’re together, cats are training you!

I’m happy to be of help!

But seriously, just be glad that we are born litter-trained and know that if absolutely necessary, we can catch our own food. Unlike the stupid dog that wouldn’t know how or what to trap for its dinner. Man’s best friend? More like man’s big, hairy, filthy, dumb dependent!

But I digress.

And now some news. Mother is going on a trip, my precious, and without her fingers on the keyboard I have no voice. So, we will both return after she comes back from the wilds of BC! She asked me to post this photo as a hint about what her excursion is about, albeit with a better ending. And possibly fewer guns.

Still from Thelma and Louise as they are driving in the convertible.

Until then my little furniture scratchers, I remain your (delightfully untrained) friend,

Miss Sugar

8 thoughts on “Miss Sugar’s Definitive Guide to Cat Training”

  1. Ms. Sugar, Mr. Rusty here. FYI, we know how to hunt just like you although we tend to do so in packs, get your facts straight, and meat is our preferred choice.

    1. Oh Rusty, catch up! The idea that you form packs is outdated and a misrepresentation. You are not a descendant of the wolf. You’re a separate species that’s been domesticated and relies on humans for sustenance. Just look around at any homeless dogs you see. They dig through garbage or befriend a human bean for their survival. Dogs live in families, not packs. Cats, however, will hunt field mice and slow-moving birds if left to their own devices. I’m truly sorry that your delicate sensibilities have been hurt but the day you show me a homeless dog rising up to become a great hunter, I’ll show you a cat that lets its human occupy its favourite chair! With grudging respect, Miss Sugar

  2. Oh Ms. Sugar. When if ever was the last time you caught and ate a mouse or bird to survive? Know you occasionally might catch one and leave it on the porch for your human, but then your not even allowed out due to your destructive nature and killing of the wildlife. No, your food each day comes out of a bowl just like mine, your just as domesticated as I.

    1. Held hostage, more like it! I am not allowed outside or I would – except for the removal of my front claws by human beans from my distant past – bring you a fresh mouse as a peace offering!

    1. Yes, I’m afraid I was a bit harsh, but truth be told, I had no idea that so many dogs read my blog! This time off will do me good. I will reflect on my perspective and perhaps submit to some therapy. Nap therapy. Please tell Ali (And Rusty for that matter) that I didn’t mean HER! xo Miss Sugar

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