Hello my little tumbleweed makers! How’s the shedding going? Me, I’m leaving tufts of my soft fur here and there in an effort to share my specialness. It collects under the chairs and waits for the dreaded Swiffer to come along and take it away.
You know, I’m not a big foodie. Oh, I love my food and I’ll make a fuss around mealtimes but I don’t go gaga for treats like some cats do.
But sometimes when my human beans enjoy their dinner in front of the black rectangle, it piques my interest. I can leap up onto the couch arm and put myself at eye level with their plates. Their diets consist of things that I never get to try! And the names of these dishes – so exotic! Stir fry! Lasagna! Soup! Often, father will accidentally move his empty plate or bowl close enough that I can stick my head right on top of it and get a good whiff of what was there. And that’s where the fun stops!
MOTHER: Don’t let her lick that! It’s not good for her.
FATHER: Oh, it won’t hurt her.
MOTHER: But you used hot sauce!
FATHER: Oh, right. (Takes plate away.)
Mother = fun killer!
You know, we kitties do have sensitive tummies. We don’t know that what our nose finds fascinating might make our digestive systems rise up in rebellion. And that’s not good for anyone. Mother has the carpet sprays and J-Cloths to prove it.
Did you know, for example, that cow’s milk isn’t good for us? We are lactose intolerant! Please, don’t put a saucer of milk out for a cat. Let humans continue to be the only species that drinks the milk of another animal. Father claims an entire refrigerator shelf to satisfy his milk habit. I’ve heard rumblings that some of the region’s dairy cows are planning an intervention.
The Best/Worst Foods for Us
We cats need meat! When my ancestors were out in the wild, fending for themselves. they subsisted on a diet of mice and other meaty creatures. To which I give a hearty YUCK! Now I get my protein from a can opened by a human bean. Few sounds are as sweet as the thhhhrrrrup of a can lid opening! I may not be able to hear someone approaching from behind me, but that glorious, metallic sound reverberates to every corner of the house and I come running.
So please, don’t try to turn your feline into a vegan. It harms our health. It’s hard to believe, but we are not people, even though we appreciate it when you talk to us as if we are.
And we have something in common with dogs: neither of us can eat chocolate. Other foods that can make us terribly sick, even in small quantities, include onions and grapes/raisins. Our kidneys are delicate and some of these things can do us tremendous harm. I may be a senior, and not a huge foodie, but I’ll stick lick anything that falls on the floor. You simply can’t assume that I’ll know better! Remember what they say about curiosity and the cat!
Some experts think it’s not so bad to give us a little fruit or veggie occasionally, as a treat. A blueberry, perhaps, or a pea. You need to research it first. However, it’s not necessary at all. Keep the carbs low and the meat content high in a cat food with lots of water and we’ll do just fine. But I still love Friskies, the food I was raised on, even though I know it’s not the best out there. My doctor said it was like eating at McDonald’s every day. And I said, doc, you say that like it’s a bad thing!
The fun-killer-in-residence mixes my Mickey D’s with some better food and thinks I don’t notice. I’m wise to her! I hear that second can opening and know I’m about to get a meal that’s – ugh – good for me!
What’s next? Leaves of kale? Quinoa in my chicken pate? Oh, the humanity!
Well, I must take my leave now my little bran muffins. I’ve spied something on the kitchen floor that needs investigating. Until next week I remain your friend,