A Band That Shall Remain Nameless

We went to another one of those sweet, little fall fairs on the weekend that had a vintage and classic car show.  Bless Derek’s heart, he’s patient with me and my tremendous lack of knowledge about classic automobiles.  I simply know the ones I think are pretty and even though I’m trying to learn, I don’t think much of it sticks.  Lucky for me, I also don’t think he’s about to spring a pop quiz on me anytime soon.

A band set up on a flatbed and starting playing.  Now, I’ve heard a lot of bands in my time.  I’ve been to a lot of concerts and back in the day, I went to a lot of bars, in small towns and in big cities, and I’ve heard my share of poorly played renditions of hit songs.  But this was without a doubt the worst band I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness!

The drummer was too slow by a couple of beats and the guitarist was playing too fast.  During one song, they finally came together during the chorus but the beginning was a riot of independent noises, like the first rehearsal for a high school marching band.  And then there’s the lead singer.  Imagine someone who’s tone deaf with a vocal range the length and breadth of your average toothpick.  He wasn’t just flat or sharp on the notes, he was in another county.  They were shockingly terrible, as if a gang of rogue gorillas had picked up the instruments while the real band was off having lunch.  We cringed at the start of every tune.  The songs weren’t even recognizable until the vocalist started his vain attempt at the lyrics.

I said, “They must be some local guys playing for free”.  Minutes later, they said their name and Derek recognized them as an actual working band from London.  I looked them up and they have a regular booking at a local bar.   I’m assuming that one of them owns it.  There isn’t enough beer in the world to drink to find these guys entertaining.  I’m sorry fellas but you’re just terrible, pure and simple.  If I were that bad at something I’d want someone to tell me so I could put my efforts into something I’m capable of that doesn’t involve a microphone or an amplifier.  But this is also what I really love about fall fairs.  Now I can say that at one of the fairs of ’09 I heard the worst band I’d ever heard in my life!